The Downside of Being a Medium
“In order to know what good feels like, you have to experience bad.”
There’s a downside to being a medium; experiencing scary things that other people can’t see or hear is definitely part of it. As life unfolded for me, I couldn’t help but look back to the days when I experienced things and did not understand them. As time went on, it all began to make sense.
The Demon Hand
I remember one day, back in my 20s, I was feeling strangely more exhausted than usual. As my day ended, I knew the exhaustion might trigger sleep paralysis. Here again, I wish I knew then what I know now because being overtired is a crucial factor to having bizarre dreams. It contributed to some of the worst episodes I ever had.
In the late 1990s, as I was coming out of a dream that I can no longer remember. I was pinned down in my bed known as the Old Hag Syndrome, which is waking up without being able to move or speak. Sleep paralysis set in and my body locked up like a corpse in rigor mortis. Was I, in fact, dead? No, I can’t be! I was able to see my chest rise and fall as I breathed. My eyes darted around the room, but I couldn’t move my head. My cat curled up next to me, cleaning his fur, and I could feel the warmth of his body. On the other side of me, my eyes noted the minutes of the clock ticking by. I couldn’t flipping move, but I was 100% aware of my surroundings! Holy hell, this was awful!
What seemed like forever was only a few minutes. Talk about a frightening few minutes! I tried so hard to move, but it was like I was in cement and couldn’t move even one muscle.
Why is this happening? Am I dying? Stroking? Being possessed?
As my imagination went wild, little by little, my toes, my fingers, and finally, my legs came to life. One deep, deep breath was like a sigh of relief that, yes, I was alive and whatever this was now had ended… or did it?
As I came to and could feel my body again, I remember thinking that was one bad episode of sleep paralysis. How and why was this happening to me? I slowly sat up in bed with drips of fear sweat rolling off my head.
Oh my god, oh my god, what is wrong with me? Am I having seizures? Do I have a brain tumor? Does this happen to anyone else? All these questions were racing through my head as I slowly became 100% present. I remember feeling so alone and frightened.
Exhausted from this harrowing experience, I went to get out of bed, make a trip to the bathroom for a glass of water and slap cold water on my face. I flipped the covers off me and went to put my foot down on the floor, and I saw one of the most frightening things I’d ever seen in my life, and it remains on the top five scariest sights that I’ve seen to date.
Coming up out of my bedroom floor was a demon arm. It was protruding up from the carpeting from the elbow to its hand. It had six fingers, long nasty yellow nails, and the skin looked like old, brown, shriveled up leather. I screamed the loudest I’d ever screamed; no one heard me because I was home alone at the time.
With closed eyes, I screamed and wished it away in my mind. Would it be gone when I opened my eyes? Was it really there, or did I imagine it? Will anyone believe me when I tell them what I saw? Should I tell anyone? Will I be sent to the crazy house if I tell my family? Will they take my kids away?
As those thoughts raced through my mind, I opened my eyes. It was gone. It was gone, but where did it go? Did it go back to hell where it came from? Was it under my bed? Where was the rest of the demon?
I remained in my bed with my feet nowhere near the floor until my husband came home. I did tell him about my frightening experience, and he looked at me like I was insane and figured I just drifted off to sleep watching a scary movie again. He went through the motions of looking under the bed and in all the cracks and crevices in the room to help ease my fear. I felt like a six-year-old child who’d made their daddy check under the bed for monsters, and it was gone.
What did I see? What was my husband thinking? He’s not a man of many words, so he brushed it off and just said it was a dream I had. It was NOT a dream because I was fully awake. It was 100% solid too. Is this how lucid dreams evolve? Do the elements of our dreams have the ability to follow us into our reality?
“Maybe some things we are not supposed to share.”
Now, I KNOW that no one else experienced this type of horror. It’s been decades since this happened, and to this date, I have not heard or read about this type of experience. Was it just a teaser to get me ready for the spirits and dead people I was going to see as my medium self got older? Now that I think about it as I write these words, I think that may have been part of it. I’ve said this a million times; life is about balance. There is light, and there is dark. There are Angels, and there are demons. This I know first hand because I’ve seen both.
The thing that is the heaviest on my mind is that it’s tough, difficult to not only explain these experiences but to find people who won’t think you’re crazy. How many times in this book so far have you heard me say this? This is why most mediums don’t come out; they feel it’s easier and safer just to keep things in. This is not only sad and frustrating, but it creates chakra blocks that are never good.
Here again, this is one experience that is difficult to explain. As I’ve thought about this night a million times, I’ve concluded that my mind was in a liminal space between awake and asleep. It was the mundane drowsy state where you’re kind of daydreaming and not fully present. That state of mind is the perfect setting for spirits to come in and show their presence. I do want to add that I was more awake than half drowsy at this point. That was the frightening part.
