I don’t know how to start this post, so I guess I’ll just type. I was at a funeral today and did great until 5 minutes before it started, then I left.
My dad passed away in June, and I’m just now getting over the feeling of dread and crying every day. What is important now, more so than ever, is protecting my energy.
It was a friend of a friend’s husband who passed away after an illness, so it was not a shock when we heard of his passing. Just a day before his service, through the magic of texting, I found out his service was today. I bought the flowers, put the fancy clothes on, and walked into the church with my armor on.
I haven’t stepped into a church in decades; that alone felt odd. Also, my acquaintance sitting next to me was sniffling. He said he had allergies, but I cannot risk getting sick since I will visit the older inlaws in a few days. How do I get out of being in a place where I “should” attend, but my body is saying no? Just walk out.
I made some stupid excuse of a phone call I had to answer, walked out of the church, got in my car, and headed home. It was just a mile ride home, and the further away I got from the church, the better I felt. Two reasons I had to leave were the sniffling man and being inside a church.
The third reason is that I’m done crying and being around death. Yes, death is a part of life, but like a channel on the TV, if I don’t like it, I can change it. I did that today, and although it felt weird walking out of someone’s funeral, I felt proud of myself for protecting my extremely sensitive energy.
As the day went on, now three hours later, I have a headache. This headache resulted from some energy I lost and failed to protect when this day started. My bad; live and learn.
In one hour, I’m going out with friends, listening to music, and talking about the fun things in life; this will replenish my energy.
Knowing is half the battle and the point being, do what you have to do to feel your best both mentally and physically.